confessions

bless me father for...

I am a tenured teacher.
(Mr. Gold says "you are the institution.")
I was telling everyone because I wanted it to mean more than that I have put off midwifery for five years out of college.
I wanted dinner or something.
Instead, on my way to grad school (see eponymous post)
I ate Wendys for dinner. Fries and a frosty.
And snickers for breakfast today.

I haven't seen S till eight o'clock once this week.
I'm not drinking enough water.
I don't know if I can handle having another kid.
The toilet is still leaking.
I have not vaccuumed under the bed in like 6 months.
I have no idea how much money is in my checking account, what food is in the fridge, which -if any- clothes are clean, what I'm going to do to my room for open-house tomorrow, how I am going to finish this lesson plan for the Michigan Department of Education, and whether I will look like an idiot if they decide to tape me.
Scratch that, I know I'll look like an idiot if I'm chosen to be on the video. My singing voice is not good. I don't look people in the eyes when I get tired. My car has cracker crumbs all over the seat, and there is lint in my big toenails. I don't practice enough piano, I talk too much, drink too much, think too much, and I definitely make stuff up on my homework.

My god I am heartily sorry for all my inadequacies.
May my gratitude for all the goodness in the world
cause me to be less of a whiny jerk,
and not shoot myself in the face.