one down

Monday, we finally had a client give birth at home - the first one since the start of my apprenticeship this summer. It was beautiful and the 5-6 hour pushing stage was only moderately scary and, except for shaking so hard that I dropped the bulb syringe 3 times right after the head was born, I managed to not radically screw anything up.

The mama was amazing. Like I said, pushing was crazy long and she never once lost faith in her ability to do what needed to be done. She was even really mellow about being stiched up - something that really pisses alot of people off, and rightly so!

My favorite moment was during the posrpartum bath -

Imagine everyone crowded into the tiny bathroom, standing around the tub as Mama cradles her teensy boy in the fragrant water.

She asks, "Was I ever really out of it?"

Papa: "Well, once when you were pushing, A told you to make your self into the letter C. You pushed through the next contraction then asked foggily, 'What letter am I again?'"

Mama smiles, totally exhausted and blissed out, looking down at her boy;

she sighs, "Brought to you by the letter C."

working hard

its amazing to me how much can fit into one day.
J says our life is like waking up by being shot out of a cannon
and going to sleep when we hit the ground again.
earlier this year I thought everything was going great with parenting and grad school and teaching and midwifey stuff and then I got crazy sick. for like 10 weeks.
back from a nice long rest, I am committed to not doing that again. I have my sense of self and sense of humor back and I am determined not to loose it.
(professors be damned)
at least not untill the end of the semester.

I was spending a lot of energy bemoaning how much time I'm at work and focused on just the basics of getting shit done. I want to be more political and more generous and more interesting and spend hours and hours studying and playing music for fun and talking to my husband and planning nice things to do for other people and....
I have given up. I have an end date for school (december 2008) and until then I have decided to not feel guilty shopping at trader joe's, recycling lessons, mopping with swiffers, not getting pregnant, or reading to little man till 8:30 or 9 every night. we need to hang out more than he needs to be in bed by 7:30, and he'll be fine as a four years older brother.

The other thing I won't do is continually justify my choices to the people around me - whether or not they give two beans about them - so, hang on to yr ass, this blog should get more interesting again really soon!